HyunA has recently opened up for the first time ever about how she deals with depression, Panic Disorder, and Vasovagal Syncope.
On November 28, she took to Instagram to share a photo of the clear blue sky. In her caption, she opened up about how she felt growing up in the limelight and how it affected her mentality.
Here what she wrote,
“Hi, hello. To my fans A-Ing and also to those who are interested in me, I don’t know if this is the right choice but I thought about it over and over again, so I am going to tell you my story.
To be honest, I’ve always dreamt of being on stage since I was very young. I achieved my dream and received so much love and interest more than I could have ever imagined, and I think I went through a process of growth.
Maybe because I’ve thought I’ve had so many opportunities ever since I was young, I’ve always felt grateful and, to be honest, excited. At those times, I felt sorry. Times went on and after my debut I became an adult, and I thought I needed to take responsibility for everything I do, and that I can’t make any mistakes, I wanted to be someone that was everyone’s choice.
Because of my desire, I just looked straight ahead and kept running, I didn’t even know I was sick. But there were many good people around me and my fans who were always together with me, so I thought I was okay, I just put it off and said it wasn’t true and that I was okay, until I found out when I first went to the hospital in 2016 that I was ill mentally.
Like how you naturally take medicine when you’re physically sick, like when you have a cold you take a take cold medicine, I was always someone who was tough, so I couldn’t believe the diagnosis of depression and panic disorder. I think I didn’t believe it for a year.
Now, I naturally get treatment once every two weeks, and I try not to think about it badly because I have many people around me. But then, I experienced my vision getting foggy and I collapsed. I thought it must be a symptom of my panic disorder too and ignored it. However, a doctor advised me to go to a university hospital so I had some tests done on my brainwaves, and I found out that I have something called vasovagal syncope.
I was lost and it seemed that I had no option. I wanted to be on stage but I worried that if I keep falling down like this often, if people knew I was sick maybe they wouldn’t want me to perform. Since I was worried about that, I didn’t want to tell anyone. I wanted to keep my secret for a very long time.
I would feel nervous on my own and always felt sorry. When I was doing an advertisement or something else on my schedule, when I was doing an event, I was so sorry to everyone who had believed in me and entrusted me with that.
This is why I wanted to relieve those feelings even for a bit, and that’s why I am saying this honestly. Although I was cautious, I didn’t hide it and gathered up the courage to try and talk about it.”
In her closing statement she says she’ll always try to be brave and will love and take good care of herself, she says she’ll be courageous and honest.
Fans of HyunA were overwhelmed with tears upon reading her message. They’re so proud of her for opening up about her illness and for taking good care of herself. K-netizens also left many encouraging comments on articles that covered this subject.
What do you think of this?
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안녕 안녕하세요 우리 팬들 아잉 또는 저를 좋아해 주시고 관심 가져주시는 많은 분들 이게 맞는 선택일지 아닐지는 저도 모르겠지만 많이 생각하고 또 생각해 선택한 것이기에 진짜 제 이야기를 해 볼까 해요 사실 저는 아주 어릴 적부터 무대 위에 서려는 꿈을 갖고 있었어요 그러다 보니 꿈을 이루었고 또 생각하지도 못했던 사랑들을 관심들을 마음을 정말 많이도 받고 성장과정을 가져온 것 같아요 어린 시절부터 저에게는 유독 많은 기회들이 있다고 생각해서인지 늘 감사했고 솔직히 신났어요 그럴 때면 미안함이 들기도 했고요 그렇게 시간이 지나 제가 데뷔 이후 성인이 되었고 제가 하는 모든 일은 책임을 져야 한다 실수해서는 안 돼 누구에게나 선택받는 사람이고 싶은 욕심이 생겨 앞만 보고 달려갔어요 제가 아픈지도 모르고 있었죠 그래도 주변에 늘 함께해주시는 좋은 분들 그리고 팬들이 항상 함께였으니까 괜찮은 줄로만 알았어요 미루고 아니라며 괜찮다고 넘겨오다가 처음 2016년 병원을 가보고 나서야 알게 되었어요 저도 마음이 아픈 상태였단 걸 몸이 아프면 약을 먹는 게 자연스러운 것처럼 감기에 감기약을 먹어야 하는 것처럼 늘 단단해왔던 저였기에 우울증과 공황장애라는 진단이 믿기지 않았죠 일 년은 믿지 못 했던 것 같아요 지금은 자연스럽게 이주에 한번 꾸준히 치료받고 있고 나쁘게 생각하지만은 않으려 해요 많은 분들이 함께해주기 때문에 그러다 처음 앞이 뿌옇게 보이더니 푹하고 쓰러졌어요 여러 번 이것도 공황장애 증세 중 하나려나 하고 넘어가려다 의사선생님 말씀에 대학병원에서 뇌파 등 이것저것 검사를 해보고 알게 된 사실은 미주신경성 실신이라는 병이 있더라고요 뾰족한 수가 없는 멍했어요 무대에 서고 싶은데 내가 이렇게 자주 푹하고 쓰러진다면 내가 아프단 걸 알면 누가 날 찾아주려나 제일 먼저 걱정이 앞서서 누구에게도 알리고 싶지 않았어요 근데 비밀이란 게 오랫동안 지켜지면 좋으려만 푹푹 쓰러질 때마다 혼자 속 졸이며 미안하고 또 미안한 마음이 들더라고요 광고나 스케줄 소화 할 때면 행사할 때면 절 믿고 맡겨 주시는 많은 분들께 죄송했어요 그래서 제 마음이 조금이나마 가볍고 싶어 이렇게 솔직하게 얘기하게 되었고 조심스러웠지만 숨기지 않고 용기 내서 얘기해보았어요 앞으로도 씩씩하게 잘 지내려고 노력할 테지만 사람은 완벽할 수만은 없나 봐요 늦지 않았다고 생각하고 제 자신을 사랑하고 보살펴주려고요 지금처럼 용기 내어 솔직할 거고요 읽어주셔서 고맙고 감사합니다