On December 24, Super Junior’s Leeteuk broke his silence following the death of hoobae and fellow label-artist Jonghyun.
Leeteuk shared a very personal letter to his Instagram account, he paid respect to Jonghyun and shed light on how he felt while dealing with chronic depression, he said,
“…No one can tell you they knew you well and there isn’t a person who can say they shared everything with you because you guys were close. One person’s loneliness, sadness and anger…. I have to do a lot of thinking for the time being to know if you made the final choice because you had no road to express them and what you were trying to say to the people you left behind.
I am sorry I couldn’t bring my hands closer to the hand that reached out for help. It was too big of a burden to endure for being an entertainer, you have come a long way to give up on one thing, you walked a long way to do this, this breaks my heart even more.
The day before I sent you off, you came to my dream to tell me that I must be happier, I was happy to see smiling brightly, that image is still fresh in my head.
About his depression he said,
Everyone faces hardships and pain in life, but everyone believes the emotions one feels in those situations will be very hard to endure. I also suffered from depression day in and day out, I thought to myself sometimes that it would be better to die than to be breathing and alive, it made each day difficult.
In the army, they thought I was probably putting on a show and those perceptions made it even harder on me, this lasted for almost a year but I managed to endure it.
Since I have been through this, it would’ve been better if there was even the smallest way out… it might be because its Christmas, Christmas miracle rings in my heart. I feel that its important to live happier from now on. I hope everyone makes everyday as special day just like Christmas.”